The Other Pictures...

Sometimes the best shots have zero fish in them.

Fish In A Barrel...

It was full on next level deja vu.

The yearly outdoor show was back in town and Big C and I were staring at a bathtub full of trout. Remembering being C's age and the fish being intoxicating.  There was nothing more I wanted to do was to do that make one of those nasty, smelly, hatchery trout mine.

OMR wanted nothing to do with it, but always obliged.    Fuel for the fire.

So here I am, 30 years later watching C uncontrollably giggle when we pulled a few fish out.    Extremely excited, he was.

Maybe he will have the same experience 30 years down the road.  Who knows, but it's one I will remember for more than 30 years.  I'll remember it for the rest of my life

Outdoor Anxiety...

I am a world class worrier.

This post has been a long time coming, something I have been thinking about for a while but have had a tough time putting down into form.

Anxiety isnt something guys are supposed to admit to.  We're men of the outdoors, hike up a trail kill a deer drag it out kind of guys....float 20 miles of a wilderness river and think nothing of it kind of guys.  Etc, Etc. Etc.

But sometimes, my anxiety gets the best of me and it's hard to enjoy god's outdoor splendor

Given a solid family history of worry, I know I had it coming and looking back, anxiety has manifested itself in different places in my life.   College baseball, relationships and more have all been affected.

It's terrifying when OMR is late returning from a solo outdoor trip

I have a tough time when on a multi boat trip down a river when I cant see the other boat.  They've flipped, obviously...right

Deer hunting sucks when you separate to cover more ground

Etc, Etc, Etc.

The weird thing is never about me.  It's about others, always.  Call it a mother hen mentality but for some reason the feeling of making sure everyone is alright is a tough one to shake.  Im not hunting and fishing with dumb, unprepared people.  Most are better outdoorsmen than me

What it is.....is my compelling need to feel in-control.  The paradox is that the more I try to control things....alter other's plans to curb my anxiety for instance, the less control I actually have.

Weird, right?

These feelings don't happen every trip.  Sometimes I'll go months without even a twinge of anxiety.

Then all of a sudden I'll be 5 days from a trip and all I can think about are worse case scenarios.

Very frustrating.

So the question then becomes, why am I writing this?  Why the dumping of feelings and emotions on my readers.

Because I know in my heart of hearts that there's many guys and gals out there who feel the same way.  There's a solace in knowing you're not the only one who can feel a certain way, even if it's something which can feel so trivial but so terrifying in the same breath.  

How am I working on this part of my life?    I'll tell you

Find a great counselor.   How the heavens linked me up with a person who also fly fishes is mystery, but my therapist loves to toss a fly.

Have open conversations.  Dont suffer your feelings in silence.  Tell your wife, husband, partner, and most importantly your outdoor companions.  You'll be surprised that sometimes, the people you're with on the river and woods are very emphatic and helpful.  If they're not.....well, maybe you need a new fishing buddy.   The more open I am about this to others, the more cathartic it becomes.  Drop the macho BS and talk about it.

Read.  Dr. Wayne Dyer, the Bible and Eckart Tole have been great for me in settling the mind

Practice seeing the best case scenario, not the worst.  99.9% of the time, the worst case never happens.  Think on that a bit.

Did I mention it's beneficial to talk about it?

If you feel like you're in the same boat, feel free to drop me a line.  I am as open as I can be about this subject in my life and since I have become this way....the easier it becomes to deal with it when it comes up

Remember, you're not the only one who feels this way.  There's thousands and thousands and thousands who deal with the same issues.  The beautiful thing is that anxiety issues is cureable and manageable, and I am on my way back up the hill myself at this moment.

So it's time to practice what I preach.  I have a float on a new river in 5 days.  I'll do my due diligence,  my research and then I'm going to drop the boat in the water, get on the sticks and let the day happen.

Wish me luck!

Trout Bugs For FFC...

It's time to round up your bugs and donate to the Fly Fishing Collaborative.

2014 was a fantastic year for the FFC,  teaming up with many guides, bug wrappers and other supporters to raise enough money to build a self sustaining talapia and produce farm in Thailand.   This farm will allow the orphanage to take up to 160 more children in and out of human trafficking and sex slavery.

2015 has the FFC planning on building two more talapia farms, but their encountering a new problem....

The internet has found them.  Numerous web sites have picked them up and demand for their fly wallets is outpacing their ability to fill them with flies

It's a good problem to have, but if you're good on the vice, you have the opportunity to donate your flies and become part of the solution

Two problems really, helping fulfill the demand and bring more children in the impoverished out of sex slavery and human trafficking.

Live beyond just fishing, and turn your passion into great social justice.

Click HERE to get in contact with the FFC.   Trout bugs are in high demand....dry flies, nymphs and streamers to create trout fly wallets.    Salmon and steelhead flies will always be gratefully accepted, but as the FFC grows outside of the Northwest, the need for non-anadromous flies is growing exponentially.

Now gets to wrapping!

Things More Interesting Than Fishing...

A couple hours at a local lake and a long list of things more interesting than fishing were discovered by Big C

Rocks, more rocks, throwing of rocks, sticks, breaking sticks, throwing sticks, trails, weeds that look like lettuce, bugs, smooshing the bugs, cows, cow poop.

Climbing rocks, pinecones, throwing pinecones at OMR and into the lake, ducks, birds, all the birds, seaweed, fire-rings, mysterious trash, old bottle caps, deer poop and a loose duck feather.

That's 24 things more interesting than hooking a fish.

It didnt matter, three generations of Mills boys standing near a lake and having a good time.  The fish and fishing will come in good time.   The quality time was and is unsurpassed in it's importance

When in Rome....

Rigidity in technique has zero place in the open ocean.  A stiff wind, confused seas and a captain who's a legend in inshore fishing.....means you open up the playbook

Casting these things took a bit of getting used to.  3-5 ounces a piece on a massive casting rod equals a learning curve.  Non the less after about 5 minutes we had casts arching far into the sky and splashing down on the waves.

I was expecting to get crushed every time but something was up.  A change in current took the bait away the previous week and our targets werent interested in what we were throwing.

But hey, look.  Check out the middle plug, it's got a fly on it!

So when in Rome, open up the game plan and have fun

Slammed by a Jack...

They said, look for the birds.  The fish will be there.

Ok, no birds.  Now what?

You can watch Running Down the Man and think you have a clue but really, it's a whole new ballgame for this steelhead junkie

Being the eternal optimist, I figured something would be swimming along and if time, opportunity and luck came together, I'd find pay dirt

But seriously, when you're standing on the beach getting pounded by waves for a couple days, blind casting up and down the sand, you begin to doubt the effectiveness of what you're doing.

Couple that with the long stares you get from the other fisherman with their gigantic surf rods, I felt a bit  under-gunned

Each time I'd come back to the condo the family would ask things like "nothing again?" and I'd utter some stupid fishing maxim like "it's fun just trying".   Really though, I was getting frustrated.  Each wave came slamming in taking my line all around my feet and legs, making casting a bitch.  Next trip I now know that stripping baskets are a full on must.  MUST HAVE.

On the 4th day of the trip, I woke up before everyone and contemplated not going out for the morning session.    The bed was really comfy and last night's beers and tequila shots were still buzzing around my head.

Oh hell, get yourself up.  You're only in Mexico so long

I began the routine of the previous mornings.  Stare out into open sea, guess a spot and start casting.

On the second cast, no more than 30 feet out, I got dumptrucked by this ocean thug of a Jack

I yelled and hollered so much the neighbors and the rest of my family thought I was in trouble.  The 10 weight was to the cork and even with the reel dead set to the nuts, this fish was doing anything it wanted to do.  Clearly I was hanging on for dear life

After about 15 minutes of slugging it out and not knowing up till that point what I had on, a wave crested and in the brief moment when you can look into the window of the wave, the massive jack swam by.  At that point, my brother in law was there to help land the fish and we both uttered

HOLY SHIT...

Somehow the 20lb leader and fly held in the corner of the mouth and as the fish breached one more wave, my brother in law pounced on it.

My mind was telling me 25 pounds, but it's probably more like 15.  I didnt care, a rabbit was pulled out of the ocean's hat

I think that this surf fishing's going to have a spot on my roster of things to do for a long, long time.